Radiation

As I am coming to the end of my radiation treatment I have been asked,
what does radiation feel like?

Honestly, it feels like nothing. 

For me it is more embarrassing than anything.

So this is what my typical treatment is like:
Monday through Friday at 11:45am, I am sitting in the Radiation Oncology waiting room.
There is no one there but me, no nurse or secretary at the front desk.
They have a camera so the techs in the back can see me.  They come out and get me when they are all set up.
I walk back to a changing room and put on a hospital gown and lock my purse and clothes in a locker.
I walk back to a type of control room and give them my name and date of birth.
Then I follow two techs down a corridor into the radiation room.

I lay down on a hard motorized table and remove my gown.
Sometimes they put a warm blanket on me, sometime they don't. 
It is pretty cold in the room without anything on from the waist up.
Then they bind my feet together to help me keep still.

I am lying in what they call a pillow, it is like an upper body cast type mold, made especially for me before treatments started. 
It is not really like a pillow, it is not soft.
I lie in it every time to make sure my arms and head are in the right position.
My arms have to be stretched up above my head to be out of the way of the radiation beams.
This is the painful part for me because I still have some issues with my right arm from surgery
where they removed all the lymph nodes.
Also before radiation started I had to have four small tattoos placed on my chest.  One on each side and two on my sternum. 
The techs use these tattoos to line me up with the laser beams that come out of the walls and ceiling. They push and pull my hips around, and roll the upper part of me to the side a little. 

I need to be in the exact same position every time. 

There are also other degrees and numbers they use with how high the table has to be and a whole lot of other stuff I don't understand. 
 
Next the techs leave the room and go into the control room where they can see me on multiple cameras.
They double check all the numbers.

The radiation machine also has the capability of taking a type of x-ray image. 
I have to have "pictures" taken a few times a week to make sure everything is still in the right place. 
They make any adjustments they need to.  Then the big rotating arm of the radiation machine moves to the first position, right above my chest. 

All I hear is a humming type noise when it is on.  I cannot see anything coming out of the machine.   In the corner is a small red light that comes on and says, IN USE. 

A tech comes back in to place something called Bolus (it is a flat piece of rubber-like material) on top of my chest.  This increases the radiation dose to my skin and to the tissues right below it.
He tapes it to me.  Then leaves again. 

The machine rotates to the second position, just over my left side at an angle and turns on. 
Finally the third position is far on my right side, it turns on again.  Each time is only between 20-30 seconds. 

I just lie there, in the dark and quiet with my eyes closed. 
Not because I have to but because most of the time I can see my reflection in the glass of the machine.
I don't like that so much.

I know I am done when the lights turn back on and the tech comes back in the room. 
It takes longer to get me set up than the actually radiation treatment.
They lower the table so I can get off. 
They tell me I did a good job and say, "See ya tomorrow."

I go back to the changing room, get dressed and see myself out.
Once a week on Mondays I meet with my radiation oncology doctor.  He checks my breathing and skin.

Today was my 24th treatment.  I will have a total of 32. 
The last five, my skin permitting, will be what the doctors call a boost.  Instead of targeting my whole right side they give an extra high dose right to my scar incision line.  Studies have shown if the cancer comes back, it tends to be in that area.

 In the beginning my skin felt warm and tight but usually went away by early evening.  Now it looks and feels like a sunburn. I am red all over, my skin is very tight and sensitive.  I try to put on lotions and creams at least four times a day. It is painful to wear anything but a shirt but I am also to self-conscious not to wear something to support my "natural side" - as the docs call it.  I am glad a friend warned me not to be surprised if my back turned red too.  That is where the radiation beams come out.  I also have a sore throat because it is close to the beams.  The effects of radiation will continue a few weeks to a few months after I am done.  My skin may be permanently discolored.  So far I have been pretty lucky.  The skin can blister and peel. 

I will have some scarring in my lungs, but the doctor tells me I won't notice and it will not affect my breathing.

Then of course there is the tired side effect.  That too lasts a few weeks after treatment is done.

I am almost finished.  Another eight more treatments, or tanning sessions as Ryan calls them.

Then I wait.