I'm Finally Feeling Done

Life was feeling a little bit off lately.

Almost like I don't know what to do or how to feel.

I think it's because I don't know what is next.

For the last 4 years I have alway had some kind

of treatment or surgery on the horizon.

That's how I lived - I just gotta get through this next _______.

Kinda like living paycheck to paycheck.

But for me it was like living surgery to surgery.

Well - I don't have a next.

I think...

I am finally done.

No more treatments, chemo, radiation or surgeries.

I just had my last follow-up doctor's appointment from my surgery 8 months ago.

He has officially released me from his care.

"Call me if you need, but I hope I don't see you anytime soon."

I see my oncologist in January to do some blood work,
and then I won't see him again for 6 months.

After that, I will only see him once a year.

Quite difference from seeing him every 3 weeks.

So I did something the beginning of this year that I didn't think I would ever do -
I scheduled an appointment with a tattoo artist.

This is what I am considering my final step of this journey.

It was at a place called Little Vinnies.

They book up really fast - I got scheduled for October. 

Almost a year wait, but I feel lucky because 

in the past it has been a 2 year waiting list.

Women from all over the world go to this little tattoo parlor,
located in a small town in Maryland called Finksburg.

What is so special about this tattoo parlor?

(OK I'm about to get real personal)

They do amazing 3D nipple and areola tattooing!

When I had my double mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction - 

my nipples could not be saved and therefore were removed.  

I like to say I looked like Barbie - smooth and colorless.

It is kinda hard to put into words -
but obviously my breasts were not natural looking.

I wanted to look more like I did before cancer.

So...

A few weeks ago my mom and I took a trip to Finksburg.

Cute little town.

We decided to turn it into our annual girl's trip.

We did a ton of sightseeing - along with getting the tattoos!

To say I was nervous would be an understatement!

But Paul, my tattoo artist, was so amazing.

I am extremely grateful for his skills and talent.

When I had my first surgery, then my second, and third, and fourth..

I was never sure if I would ever feel a "wholeness" again.

But, after getting my tattoos - I can honestly say

I finally feel done.

And that feels pretty amazing!


PS My mother wants to make sure everyone knows that she did not get any tattoos :)