Not This Date

My Cancerversary date is approaching on Saturday.
It will be three years since I heard those words.
Words that changed every aspect of my life.
But I don't want to dwell on that day,
I choose to celebrate the day I was declared NED.
(No evidence of disease)

I am a member of a number of support groups on Facebook
and the other day a lady in one of the groups wrote this:

I won’t tell you that I wrote goodbye letters to all my dear ones before surgery, 

you might think I’m a pessimist.
I won’t tell you that I had days where I wanted to end it all while I was in chemo, 
you might thing I’m suicidal.
I won’t tell you that I am so angry about how my body looks now, 
you might think I’m ungrateful.
I won’t tell you how hurtful your ‘helpful’ tips to beat cancer naturally were, 
you might think I'm lazy.
I won’t tell you how painful it was to be told that I didn’t qualify for disability pension 
because I wasn’t given a prognosis of certain death, 
you might think I’m greedy.
I won’t tell you how disillusioned I am by the wait times for surgeries, 
oncology appointments and other cancer checks, 
you might think I am self-absorbed.
I won’t tell you how ugly I feel, 
you might think I’m narcissistic.
I won’t tell you how scared I am of a recurrence, 
you might think I’m a hypochondriac.
I won’t tell you how angry I feel when my caregiver tells me that my 
cancer means that he has lost out on things as well, 
you might think that I’m unsympathetic.
I won’t tell you how rejected I feel, 
you might think that I should just be grateful that he stayed with me.
I won’t tell you how much I fear for my children, 
you might think that I am a negative person.
All these things I will not tell-because if I do, I just might not be able to 
hold onto what I have left in the ruins of my life. 
Cancer has taken my confidence, my pride, my financial stability, 
my health, my sexuality, my youth, my optimism.

 2017 IS THE YEAR THAT I'M GOING TO TAKE IT BACK!!!!!