Not Really Prepared

First off, I want to apologize for not sending out an update sooner. I honestly still don't know how to write down what I am truly feeling at this point. I think after you go through any major life/body altering change it takes some time to process.

I have been preparing for this surgery for almost 2 years, I was even a little excited to report to the hospital at 5:30 am. I talked to lots of other women who have had this surgery, even some women who used the same surgeons. I prepared meals, menus and arranged for my kids to be taken care of. I researched the surgery, asked hundreds of questions during my multiple doctors’ appointments; and organized and bought items that would help with my recovery.  I feel like I did not go into this surgery blind.

Ryan was able to get home from work early on Wednesday afternoon and we loaded the two littles in the car and drove to my sister-in-law's house. My mom had already driven to St. George that afternoon, ready to take over the house duties and caring for the older two. Annette was so excited and ready to play with Gage and Alyssa. Driving away, saying goodbye to my kids, knowing it would be a least a week, maybe two before I would get to see them again. That was the hardest part.

I met lots of doctors, assistants, nurses and the anesthesiologist the morning of the 19th. The last few things I remember was kissing Ryan goodbye and a young kid wheeling me down a long hall to the operating room. A young doctor came over and introduced herself and said she was going to give me some meds - one to help with nausea and one to calm my nerves. I remember being wheeled through the double doors and moving from the bed to the cold surgery table. I remember thinking, “holy crap”, there are a lot of masked people in here. I couldn’t make out my team of 3 surgeons but I started counting all the others.  I got to twelve and then I don't remember anything else.

The best estimate my surgeons had for the surgery was it would take 4 to 6 hours. Six hours passed. Then seven. Then eight turned into nine. My surgery lasted nine hours. I don’t remember much of that night. Waking up in my room, saying hi to Ryan and that is about it. Friday was not much better. A pain I did not expect was in my left arm. Something having to do with the position it remained in all through surgery. I could hardly lift it. I recall asking  Ryan to massage it over and over again. I was in and out of sleep, trying to eat a few things from my clear liquid diet down, a few visitors and my first attempt to get out of bed and stand. 

Nothing, really nothing could have prepared me for the pain. I was literally cut in half, hip to hip, and it felt like it! Honestly, the first time I saw my new breasts and stomach I was a little scared, I looked Frankenstienish, But a flat stomach was awesome and I had two boobs again! I have to admit not seeing a belly button was a little weird. The medical team seemed pleased with the way the flaps and incisions looked and how I was progressing along. I was monitored every 2 hours. Between getting vitals and medications, checking on the viability of the flaps with a Doppler, and stripping my JP drains, I was not alone very often; they did this round the clock. I did not sleep very well or for very long periods. The first night they had to call in the on-call doctor because I was not breathing well and my oxygen levels were low, so I needed to be put on oxygen, after that I was fine. At one point I had the blood pressure cuff on my arm, O2 sensor on my finger, oxygen nose cannula, 5 JP drains down each sides, a flap monitor on each new breast and two special stitches for the Doppler readings. I was pretty much tethered to the bed, which was fine with me because I didn't want to go anywhere.

On Saturday, more family came to visit and I am sorry if I was not very social or even that conscious. Ryan had to leave on Saturday to head home. Saturday was an okay day and there was talk from one of my doctors to possibly be released on Sunday. But on Sunday, I woke up in a lot of pain and was having a really rough time and crying a lot. I received so many pretty flower bouquets, chocolates and even homemade chocolate chip cookies. I asked my doctors if I could stay until Monday. By Monday I felt my pain was in better control but I still did not feel ready to leave the safety of the hospital. My sister came to get me and received a crash course on how to be my nurse. I left with pages and pages of documents on what to watch for, what meds to take, things not to do and things to do and when to call the doctor.

My sister has been an awesome nurse, making sure I eat and rest, helping me to move more, and keeping track of my meds. She even has to help me strip my drains, and it is pretty gross!

My sister-in- law was so sweet to bring my younger kids up to see me yesterday. It has been a week and miss them like crazy. She is going to drive them down to St. George today and stay through the weekend to help.

Currently, my day consists of waking up, eating breakfast, walking around a bit, sitting down when I get winded and to much in pain. Then lunch and a nap. Later dinner, more walking and sitting and then to bed. Honestly I am so tired, worn out and in pain. I didn’t even think of any pain other than the incision, but oh my back! I feel like it is always going to give out on me and I will crumble to the floor.

Friday I have my post doctor’s appointment and I will see how things are healing and if I am released to make the trip home. I am not sure which option to hope for.