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Tuesday, February 9, 2016

The Price of Peace of Mind

It's nothing.
It will go away.
I am fine.

Well, maybe it could be something.
What if it is?
What if it's bad...

These thoughts run through my head all the time.
If get an ache or pain or headache.

A headache that lasts for weeks.
One that will not go away.

I want to remain positive and hope that it is nothing.
But I also know the reality and statistics of my type of cancer returning.
I really don't want to be blind-sided again.

So today I went in for a MRI of my head and neck.
I really don't like MRI's.
The contrast as it is injected hurts,
the machine is beyond loud,
and laying completely still in a metal tube is claustrophobic.

Should I be worried that after I told my doctor my symptoms, he put a rush status on it? 
I needed to be seen within 2 days!
The poor techs had to give up their lunch because they were booked and
noon was the only time it could be done.

Answers will be nice.  Although I am not sure I really want to hear what they are.
The doctor should call me before close of business tomorrow.
Or I can call on Thursday.

So much for my New Year's resolution.
I was hoping to not meet our high deductible again this year.
I guess that is what peace of mind is worth.

1 comment:

  1. Kim, you AMAZE me. I'm so thankful for your willingness to share your thoughts and feelings about your experience. I hurt for you, and for your family and know I'll never fully understand what you're experiencing. I don't have the words to make anything better, but I hope I'm not making it worse by commenting. I just want you to know someone's reading and finds your writing helpful (as I don't often seen comments). I'm grateful for the memories we created together, and so appreciative to you for the strength you exhibit. I wish you peace and comfort as you continue in this journey.
    Monica

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