Still Here

It seems like I am neglecting the blog quite a bit lately.
I think that is a good thing.
Nothing new to report, just me trying to adjust and busy, well, living.

The other day I decided I needed to donate all my wigs and scarfs to the hospital's cancer center.
I called Deb, the first nurse I meet after I was diagnosed.
She is the one who explains the treatments, what to watch for, but mostly how to manage the side effects.
She is an amazing lady and is in charge of meeting all the new cancer patients.

I told her my story about the day I went to find a wig.
The owner of the wig store was very sweet.
She took me to a back room so I could try them on in private.
At this point all my hair had already fallen out.
To be honest I was kind of excited to try diffent lengths and colors.
But for some reason none of them "looked or felt like me".
I tried on more.
Nothing worked.
I felt heart-broken.
She showed me multiple magazines and said to order any that I liked.
I knew my insurance would not cover the cost of the wigs.
So as I looked for a wig that would help me feel like normal, I sadly noticed the prices first. 
Cheaper ones were $300-$400. 
Some of the ones that were hand tied and used real hair were, well, a lot more.
I felt torn, how could I spend that much money on a wig with all my medical expenses coming up. 
Eventually, I left the store with a clearance halo hair piece and tears in my eyes.

I wish I could prevent every women who is faced with that decision from feeling the way I did that day.

Luckily I met friend through an old co-worker who was a few months ahead of me in her cancer treatment.
Her insurance paid for 2 beautiful, expensive wigs.
She gifted them to me.

It was time to pay it forward.
I told Deb to find a young women who was in a similar situation - and give them to her.
I hope she likes them.
I hope they make her feel just a little bit better.

Then Deb asked me how I was doing. 
It is a weird thing with the nurses at the cancer institute.
If any of them ask how I am doing, I usually cry. 
I know they really want to know.
I know I can be honest and real and not have to try to be strong with them. 
So I cry.

But today I didn't.
I didn't cry!
She asked me if I still thought about my cancer everyday.
I do.
And then I thought for a moment and added,
but it doesn't always bring me to tears anymore.

I want to thank everyone who has followed, supported and cared about me this past year.
The posts might not come as often, just know I am doing well.
I truly hope you have a wonderful holiday season surrounded by the ones you love.