October 20th

I am sure for the next few years I will remember lots of anniversaries. 

Some will remain important forever and some will fade and become less significant.

Today, one year ago, I was sitting in the chemo infusion room getting my last big treatment.

My whole family showed up and surprised me with a party.

It felt so good to finally have 18 weeks of chemo behind me.

As with a lot of things that have happened over the last year,

sometimes it feels like yesterday and yet it also feels like a life time ago.

However I feel, I am grateful it is in the past.

Happy October 20th.

All is Well

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. MRI results came back today - no evidence of disease, everything is all clear !!!!! So relieved and happy. Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

Waiting for Friday

This past Friday the kid's school put on their annual Harvest Hop.
We buy drinks, cookies and eat pizza.
Then each grade puts on a dance.
Fun for the kids.
I had fun, too.
So much more so than last year.

As I sat there watching my kids dance - I felt so good.
Last year I got so tired and winded from the short walk
from the road to the pavilion, that I had to lay down,
for almost the entire performance.
I was so sick I couldn't even sit up.

I feel like things are getting "better."
Most days they are.
Then a day like today hits me and I struggle.
This morning I had an MRI.
An MRI will now be one of my annual appointments.
Just to check to make sure there is no cancer they can see.
It took about an hour.
But laying in this machine, with ear plugs and ear muffs on, staring at nothing
trying to drown out the horrendous noise!
Fear found me.
I was too afraid to cry.
I am not supposed to move.
I certainly didn't want to have to start over.

I don't want things like this to scare me.
But I don't know how not to be worried.
Waiting for the results.
Probably nothing.
But not sure how to process my feelings as I wait.

Two days.
Forty eight hours.
Trying to stay positive.