Last

I want to celebrate, jump up and down and even scream a little.
Except there is still a part of me that wants to hide in fear.

I completed my last chemo treatment.
My last of the year long Herceptin treatments.
Or technically, as Ryan says, it is not chemo.
It is a Monoclonal Antibody Targeted Therapy Treatment.
The nurses call it chemo, so I will too, it's easier.

It feels good.
It feels like a real milestone.
It has been a long time coming.
It has been a long process.
It took a lot to get here.
It feels like an accomplishment.

But somewhere in the back of my mind I am still scared.
Scared of it returning or spreading.
Scared of the side effects.
So I am afraid to celebrate.

As always, Ryan was right there by my side.
Flower in hand.
I got to ring "the bell".
Give my friends and nurses a hug and walk out the door.
It was a lot easier to walk out then it was to walk in.

Up next...
A trip to Disneyland!
I mean where else would you want to go when you have just become a cancer survivor?
The kids are super excited.
That makes me excited.


I have a heart scan the end of this month.
This fall I will have surgery.
A bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy and hysterectomy.
Hopefully the recovery won't be too bad and I will be able to travel for the holidays.

I hope to take 2016 off - no surgeries at all. 

In January 2017 I will start the reconstruction process.
That feels like forever away.

But for today I feel good.
Getting some energy back.
Adjusting to medication I am on for the next 5 years.
Trying to be happy, accept and live my new life.


I found this quote I really like and wanted to share it..