Fatigued. Exhausted. Worn-out. Drained.
Pretty much all of the above.
But it somehow goes beyond that.
I can't describe it.
I have been tired before - with chemo, sleep deprivation with a newborn or sick child, with 24 hour jet lag.
This is not the same.
Physically I am tired.
I don't want to think any more about "it".
I am ready to be done with "it".
I want my life back.
I am tired of medical people telling me what to do.
I am tired of waiting in waiting rooms.
I am tired of my time not being my own.
Mentally I am tired.
I know I am getting closer to the end of this, so why then am I still crying so much?
Shouldn't I be happy and excited?
I am tired of the ups and downs.
I am tired of being short on patience.
Emotional I am tired.
I am tired of being tired.
I start radiation on Monday.
The first and most experienced side effect of radiation is fatigue. (Also burnt skin at the site)
So sadly it is only going to get worse.
33 Rounds.
That means Monday thru Friday at 11:45 for the next 6.5 weeks you can find me in the radiation department at the hospital.
Getting everything in place.
I had physical therapy on Monday to help with the pain that is still in my right arm.
I met with my radiation oncologist yesterday.
I also had a CT scan and tattoos done yesterday.
My Muga (heart) scan today.
Tired. Just tired.
Hold on my friend. Hold on. I can't imagine how you are ready to give up the fight. It's right at the end of the race when we want to give up. So close to the sunrise of a new and beautiful future. Hold on. I love you. You are constantly with me.
ReplyDeleteDear Kim, I'm proud of you. You're facing hard treatment and fighting for your family. It must be hard time. But I know you are strong. I pray that you get over this hard time from Japan. Sincerely Akane.
ReplyDelete