Need for Normalcy

The other night after dinner I got up to do the dishes like I have done a hundred times before. 

Of course that was before the cancer. 

Now every time I get up to do something as simple as the dishes, my husband or mother makes me go sit down and rest, and they finish.

Don't get me wrong I love the help and I need the help.

I need the help to do the dishes, and the laundry, and the mopping, dusting, vacuuming.  Help doing the errands, grocery shopping, making dinner, getting the kids ready for school, taking them to doctors appointments, watching them while I get treatments.  Even bringing me wonderful lunches while I am stuck getting chemo!  The list could go on forever.  I need the help.

I guess that is the problem. 

I don't feel needed. 

I need everyone else.

And that, in some ways makes me feel like a failure. 

I am failing at being a good wife and mother.

Some days I am just too tired. Too tired and sick to get out of bed.   Too tired and sick to eat, to do housework and sadly take care of the kids like I would like to. 

I struggle with that. 

I realize cancer is a process. 

A different process for everyone. 

So on the days I feel okay, I want to do the things I did before I got sick.

I don't feel normal.

I have a need for normalcy.

(To Ryan and my mother, Claetra and Becky, my neighbors and friends-
Please know how much I appreciate and truly need your help.  I am learning to accept help and to be humble.  And I am so lucky to have so many of you, even strangers, and your willingness to help.  I love you all.)

Maybe I am sick if I don't take my family up on doing all the chores around the house, who likes doing the dishes and laundry anyways :)